Beautiful Gift

I have been reflecting on the last nine years of my life alot lately. I think I have been reflecting alot because of the issues of the Election or maybe because my brother called to tell me he was writing a book to talk about my daughter and her allergies. My daughter is the love of my life. I love her so much sometimes I wonder what my life was like before her. I can not imagine nor do I want to entertain the ideas of life with out her. She has truly been the greatest blessing in my life. I tell you all this because of the circumstances in which she came about and hope that it encourages others with a similar story.

I have been a christian since I was 13 years old. I know what the Bible says about sex before marriage and outside of marriage. I swore and promised that I would save myself for my husband. When I started dating a man who thought he could just take what ever he wanted I told him he had to marry me. I told myself everyday that I loved him and was determined to make it work. Then he became abusive so after only 3 months of being married I moved out and for one year I tried to talk myself into a divorce. IN this year I found out I was pregnant. I was ecstatic and nervous. I would be tied to him forever now. How could I raise a baby with this man? I did not have to worry about it. 4 and a half months into my pregnancy I miscarried twins. I was devastated. But knew the verses about GOD having a plan for our lives and although I did not know that plan I found PEACE that only HE can give. I was told I had a 1 in 99 chance I would be able to have kids. I divorced him and tried to get back to the basics of my Christian faith.
In doing so I met a wonderful christian man, He did not grow up with the Bible but had found GOD in a rehabilitation center. He claimed to be a christain and who am I to judge. We started dating. I fell in love. I talked myself into compromising my morals because God would not have given me this great man to only take him away from me. He talked me into moving in with him to take the distance out of our relationship. I loved this man and his children. We went to church together and did couples devotions. A note here doing all these things while you are sinning(purposefully and knowingly) does not make your heart right with GOD actually your heart becomes more heavy because your eyes are SO open. I found out I was pregnant and I was so ecstatic. I did everything I was supposed to. We had our beautiful baby girl in July. I lived in the motions of being a family but knew there was one thing I was missing out on and that was my relationship with my most favorite guy(GOD, My heavenly Father). I asked him to marry me so that we could get our hearts right with GOD. HE (GOD) blessed us inspite of our sin. HE (GOD) loved me enough to give me the desires of my heart. HE (GOD ) Loved me enough to give me a miracle inspite of my sin. I had come to terms with not having my own child to hold and love from inside the womb till death. HE (GOD) gave me the bestest gift ever besides my salvation. HE loved me. The man of my dreams said he was not the marrying type. We split up, I was thinking we go our seperate ways and at the end of one year we will be married adn serving GOD together. That did not happen. I am a single mom, loving it and awaiting for the one GOD does have for me.
I write this because I have been hearing alot lately about people telling thier kids they were a mistake, a punishment and I want to be heard on this fact. A CHILD is not a punishment or a mistake it is a gift from GOD. Yes, HE does discipline us. Yes we may have a child out of wedlock, no matter what the circumstances and YES, we do have to pay the consequences. For me I think the consequence of down right disobeying GOD is the fact that I get to be a single mom and all those things that come with it. Not having a partner who can help out with the late night sicknesses, or maybe it is having to be mom and dad when the instant causes for a split second decision. I do not know but I do know that My beautiful daughter is not the consequence or the punishment. She is the most beautiful gift. SHe is honest and pure and you know what else she loves the LORD her GOD with all her heart. She inspires me to be a woman of GOD. She loves others unconditionally. I hope this gives all of you who are struggling with having a child out of wedlock or not at the "right time" a since of hope or maybe relief. YOU WERE BLESSED WITH THE GREATEST GIFT ON EARTH inspite of yourself. LOVE them, hold them, struggle through life with them but feel blessed. GOD chose you to raise them and love them. Inspite of your sin you were blessed. HE LOVES YOU !!!!!!