Christmas Morning

Before her eyes are even open or this year before they were even closed Toni always wishes Jesus a Happy birthday and this year was no different. This year was the first Toni had alot of questions about Christmas. Why are we given gifts on Jesus' birthday? We spent most of December answering questions and realizing Toni is growing up. I did not expect it to be such a big deal. I was preparing myself for a hohum day. WHY!!!! Do I forget who my daughter is! Here is one of the many videos I took Christmas morning. Yes she really was that excited over EVERY present even the new under garments. Are all 8 year olds this excited over gifts????

Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year

As I reflect back on the last couple of days I am blown away with how Mary must have felt. I look at Toni and am filled with so much Joy. I am so blessed to have been given this gift. I do not know how Mary could have contained herself. Her head must have been swollen with pride at this baby. Knowing that he was the gift to this world. To man kind, to the very people that were making her life somewhat unbearable. I look at Toni and I wonder did Mary ever wonder if she was doing it right. Did she ever look at Jesus and smile at the wonder of his life? What would he be like in 5, 10,15 and even 20 years? As she held him in her arms, Did she thank GOD for the oppurtunity? If Jesus needed anything would she drop everything to get it for him? Could she see imagine her life with out him, could she remember life before him.

I do not know if I speak for all parents but as I look at Toni I wonder God why did you choose me to be this girl's mother. What are his plans for her life? I am so thankful that GOD chose Toni for me and I am praying that I do what is right for her. I am not sure why he chose to bless me but I am SOOOOOOOOOO glad he did. I can not imagine my life without Toni and can not remember how I felt before her. I love you Antonia Starr Pond!!!!!!!

Vacation half over and what have we done!!!!!

Well I thought I would right a really quick blog and keep you updated on Toni's and my progress of the month. The first week we just prepared for a home study so we could possibly get my great nephews. But the minute the lady walked out the door, we were hauling down craft stuff. Toni made 4 beautiful paperbag angels, 4 oyster shell angels, and a dozen egg carton glitter bells. We tried our hand at window clings but think we are using the wrong kind of glue. After much glitter on the floor thanks to the babysitting kids, we have decided that 3 more craft days and next week we start the baking.
We are going to try our hand at fudge, sugar cookies, snickerdoodles, chocolate chip and maybe a few others.

Toni is still plugging away at therapy hoping to get some relief. She does the day of therapy but ..... Well Toni is in GOD's hand. I am so proud of her. Today, Steve, her therapist told me that she brings hope to alot of these people's lives and I am so proud of her. Yet like always my heart is in pain because I can not help my baby girl. She was in so much pain for 3 days in her lower back and legs come to find out her hip was a slightly out of socket. She must have a high pain threshhold because she walked the whole Townhouse carolling last night. I could tell that she was uncomfortable because she walked slower and held on to the rail a little bit but she never once complained. I have an amazing daughter!!!!!!! I love her so much and am so proud of her. So I guess I have accomplished that this week too.

One whole month of vacation!!!!!!

I love December!!!! Toni and I have decided that next year we may have to pick another month because it seems everyone volunteers at this time of year. For the last two years we have started homeschool in July so that we can take the whole month of December off, from school that is!!!!! Today was kind of a lazy day but only to gear up for the rest of the month. Toni is learning how to cook or should I say bake. She is doing such a great job! I think we will make lots of Christmas cookies this year. Toni wants to go to the "Townhouse" and read to the residents there!!! Good idea Toni. She is going to be making every one's Christmas present this year and spent the day dreaming over craft books.

I finally found a brownie troop for her to join and she is loving it. Today, being one of the older girls in the group, she got to teach a craft. She put together prayer rock kits for all the girls to make. She really loved it. I think she loves teaching. I can not wait to see what this month off has in store for us. I will be secretly teaching fractions though. She is having trouble with the concept.

So a month off only to be busy with serving others!!!! Toni's mom"s favorite thing to do!!!!!!!!!
If anyone has any ideas please pass them on to Toni and I!!!!!

Thanksgiving Tradition

Starting five years ago Toni and I started a tradition. We sit at the computer on Thanksgiving morning and make placemats for all those who are going to be at the family dinner. This year it was just Grandma Sandy, Toni and I.

Here is what mine says from my beautiful daughter:

Mommy starr daughter

I am so thankfull you are all of these things and hope you enjoy them. I am one of these your daughter. I love it you are a awesome Mom Baby Sitter. I cant tell you if you're a awesome daughter or not because I am not your mom but I am shure you are because you're a awesome mom, mine. I am so glad you are my mom.

Happy 38th thanksgiving.

And even though the homeschool mom/teacher wanted to correct a lot of things. For today and yesterday my heart is thankful for my daughter. Honored to be Toni's mom.

A few games for the homeschooling parents

Toni and I love, I mean LOVE playing games. We especially love educational games. Well do not tell Toni they are educational. She learns so much. This week we are working on Fractions. I bought this math game book two years ago. After much frustration on Toni's and my part , I thought to dig it out. Fraction Jugglers by Ruth Bell Alexander. We played 4 out of 19 games. She had so much fun and she gets it finally gets it.

The other game we love is Mad libs card game. It teaches parts of speech and how to put sentences together. It is a game that will have you LAUGHING! We giggle so hard. We sometimes can not stop.

I just thought I would let you know about these two games that really mean a lot to Toni and I. We use lots of different games too. It really is fun to sit down and play Scrabble and Yahtzee too. poll by twiigs.com

A permanent fixture

Recently I was asked what my mom does now that she is retired. Today one of my five year old babysitting kids said, " Starr is Grandma a permanent fixture here." She was stading by 'grandma's spot on the couch". I said well that is her spot. I wish I could have found my camera five minutes later. My mom did look like a permanent fixture with a kid on each knee and one sitting next to her. Yes Bella I guess Grandma is a permantent fixture. poll by twiigs.com

A week of Physical Therapy

Tones started physical therapy last Friday. Neither of us knowing what to expect we were full of nerves and advice. I gave Tones Ibuprofen and a warm shower before we headed out the door thinking her muscles needed to be ready. The therapist does not usually work with children and let me tell you he is great. He should. The work out wore her out but she had relief from her pain. She has done her exercises everyday and been iced down at least twice if not three times a day.

It pays off the therapist told Tones today that he can tell she has been doing her excercises because she has more flexibility in her ankles. Yeah Tones!!!! I am so thankful to Dr. Lisa for recommending Tones to start physical therapy. I am so thankful that God led us to a good christian therapist. And I am so proud of Tones for sticking with everything even when she hurts too bad to follow through. We are making alot of changes in our lives again but Tones Mommy would walk to the moon and back again if that is what you needed. Thank you GOD that she does not.

I love you Tones and am so glad that we have a few answers. GOD is good!poll by twiigs.com

When Momming (is that a word) can be so hard

Toni has been going to therapy for three weeks now and we are seeing very little comfort in fact this week it seems to be traveling quicker. She has had some unexplainable pain and some we know what was the cause. I am back to being a detective and trying to decide if we need to limit activity or try and work through it. I have left her in GOD's hands and am hoping that he will give us the answers we need. I love Toni. My heart swells every time I think about her. The love I have for that girl sometimes just makes me smile and on nights like tonight my heart aches. Tonight she said, "Mommy, I do not like being me." First instinct was to scold her but this time I listened at the reasons why. She hates being in pain but is so thankful that GOD gave her to me and that he loved her enough to send his son to die on the cross for her sins. So as my eyes swell with tears that my baby is in so much pain my heart swells with happiness that Toni gets it. She knows that GOD loves her and even though we do not know why she has to be in pain she is ready to tell the world, a relationship with Jesus Christ is true pain relief. So when momming gets hard I just have to remember that Toni is in the great physicians hands.

Sorry Tones the kids shows won!!!!

I love kids. They are so honest and when they love it is all or nothing. I have an eight year old girl, Tones. My best friend has a five year old son, J and a one year old daughter, K. I have been amazed this week at the love they have for one another AND how quickly it changes.

Now J and Tones are very close. They have informed my friend and I that they will be getting married when they are 25 and 22. If they continue to care about each other this way I pray that they do. Tones has been in pain for a while now and we are finally getting answers or at least solutions to try. Last night, J got to stay at our house while his mom went out. As I was tucking them into bed. J in Tones' bed and Tones on the floor I reminded them no talking because Tones needed her rest as she started physical therapy tomorrow. J said " No Starr, don't make her do it." I said, ' J ,she has too!" in further talking we discussed why she needed to and he informed me that he was not going to let the doctor hurt his girlfriend. I told him I would take care of Tones and he got to stay at home with Grandma and watch kids shows. He said I really do not want the doctor to hurt Tones but I am SO glad I get to watch TT. He turned to Tones and said, "Sorry Tones the kids shows won!!!!! I am staying here."

poll by twiigs.com

A new look and A thank you to fellow bloggers!!!

Thank you Amy at HappyGo Mommy. Amy the cutest blog ever website was so easy it only took me 30 minutes to have a new look. Thank you again for all the help you have given over the last year, not only in blogging but also in homeschooling and friendship.

Thank you Casual at Casual perfectionist. YOur blog has given me so many ideas to use not only in blogging but in life in general. You truly are learning that it is okay to be a perfectionist which I am not. I can appreciate perfectionism. I enjoy reading your clairisms. My shadow pictures aren't as good as yours but they are so fun to do and no one has to worry about smiling, hairstyles or clothing. We giggled so hard trying to tell a story with our pictures. Thank you so much.poll by twiigs.com

I blew it!!!!!!!!

I blew it! I was committed to blogging and completely forgot yesterday!!!! I blew it and missed a day! Should life stop so that I can finish the blog I started yesterday? No I will chalk it up to my life. I lead a sometimes forgetful life. I am often asking Tones where I left something or did you see my... I have been known to go all the way to the grocery store and shop only to realize I did not bring my money. I have on occassion forgotten to pick a child up from school till the very last minute and have to pick them up in the office (never too late that they think they are being abandoned). So I am not stopping my blogging but the pressure for an everyday blog is off. I do want to get more interesting stuff so I am researching blogs and brainstorming ideas. If you have any ideas or comments on anything you are interested in please feel free to comment.

By the way in my new blog mode I am hoping to insert pictures and change the look of my blog. I am new to all of this but am really enjoying it and let the new habit begin. Better than drinking or smoking.

poll by twiigs.com

Reflections

I have had a lot of things going on in the past year and keep wondering why I keep going to my past. I know the sayings, "let the past be the past, God gave us eyes in the front of our faces so we would not look back, and let the past live in the past, live in the present and let the future worry about itself." Okay I probably quoted one of them wrong. Sorry ahead of time for that. These reflections are not bad reflections though. I tease and say maybe I am getting alzheimers because the good times play in my head so vividly. So tonight I want to take the time to thank a cousin, a friend and the hero that she is.

My first hero is my cousin Karen. She came to live with us when my dad left my mom with 5 kids. I do not know how it came about because I was only two. All I remember is Karen I never remember my dad living with us. I owe who I am today to Karen. She is a great lady. She was very tender and compassionate and she taught us much more than you can ever imagine. I guess she was our second mom. She stayed at home with us while our mom went to work and she was our emotional support for everything that went on in our life. She truly loved us unconditionally. I think I started reflecting on her because I wonder where did I pick up the throwing together Halloween costumes and making fun things with my daughter. My love for children and loving them unconditionally. Karen is my hero and the wind beneath my wings. I wish I could see her more often and I definitely wish she could be in the circle of my daughter's women. Thank you Karen for being awesome. I love you and truly do wish that the last eight years had not been Karen void. Maybe we can reconnect. My daughter would love you and giggling with you and being chased by you, and teased by you learning from you and just being loved by you I know that I am the person I am today because of you and I thank you.

The Picture is Karen with Tones on her lap and her partner Marsel.

.poll by twiigs.com

Teenage Neices

I love my neices all of them but I have two teenage neices who I just love to watch and listen too. I will not mention their names so I do not embarass them. I will call them the K twins. I can call them this because they are only a few days apart 4 to be exact. They are both beautiful and smart. They are both really active in school. Their birthdays are coming up very soon and they will be 15. Yikes!!!! That means they will be driving next year. Good thing they do not live in Fort Wayne. Just kidding girls. I love watching them(reading their facebooks or chatting with them on yahoo) because they have their own sense of style and try to come off so tough but I see it in their writings, in their eyes and in the way they act with others these two young ladies they are people people. They have hearts as big as the towns they live in. But they also know how to stand up for themselves. I am so proud of them. I want to share what my neice had on her face book today but think I should get her permission. I think it is a song but it sums up her personality so well. I love you girls and only hope that Toni becomes half the women you two are becoming.

Your Moms should be so proud of you!!!!!!!!! As I am sure that they are!!!!!!!!!!

The K Twins Teenage Neices

And their little buddy Dylanpoll by twiigs.com

November 2008 HTML Badges - NaBloPoMo

November 2008 HTML Badges - NaBloPoMo: "your"

Waking up Late, and a revelation

Waking up late always gets the day off to such a good start. :( I had so much to do this morning before all the kids got here and there was no time. I woke up at 8:02 and we have to leave at 8:15 to get the kids to school on time. Have I mentioned how much I love Homeschooling? LOL ! If you wake up late when you just have homeschooled children you homeschool in pjs. Or at least that is what we did the last time this happened. Anyway, all that behind me. It is almost tiem for me to get some much needed quiet time. I will not go to sleep. I use to sit and watch movies now I read blogs.

I love it you can learn so much and I am so blessed by other people and their blogs. I am so blessed. I have a beautiful daughter, very good friends and an AWESOME GOD!!!!! No matter what happens with anything in my life I know that he has a plan. Jeremiah 29:11 says I know the plans I have for you says the Lord.... I love this verse. I often wish he would write on teh wall, on facebook or in a dream but then I realize that all I have to do is trust him. Alot of times I tell Toni you just have to trust me. Or I ask her why can't you trust me? today I am realizing that GOD is probably asking me that very question!!!! I overslept this morning and was so far behind and the only thing I could think about is How great GOD is. How forgiving and how loving!

Rush

I am trying to blog every day for nablopomo. It is 1147 on the 6th and I have not posted day six yet. It has been a crazy day. Trying to finish up school for the week, wish a friend a happy birthday and all the official mom/day care stuff.

This week I have been relieved and yet feel a burden for my daughter. She has been in pain almost every day since I can remember I mean it comes and goes and it never slows her down. For years they have told me that it is probably growing pains, we have had potassium checks and chest x rays, we went to the eye doctor to see if headaches were caused by eyesight and still really no answers. This week she had a sinus infection which caused a trip to the pedatrician. She said I think Toni has pain amplification syndrome. Go home and research it. I am relieved because finally we might have an answer to her pain and burdened because I always wait for them to tell me okay maybe it is this. My daughter trusts me and I listen to her ask questions and then am usually told well it is probably this and then finally an answer. I have never wanted to make her a hypochondriac but when I ask is this normal I am usually asking because it does not seem normal to me. I love my daughter and am so glad she might get some relief.

If anyone who reads this knows anything about pain amplification syndrome please feel free to spread the wealth of knowledge. I am so leary when doing research on the web. What do you believe? Tomorrow we call around to see if I can get her into a physical therapist. I am not looking forward to that because somedays it just hurts for her to be touched.

Can I just tell you I love homeschooling

I wish every mother on earth got the chance to homeschool their children. My daughter went to a christian school for Kindergarten and First grade. I decided in 2nd to try homeschooling because they really did not want her answers in the lutheran school she was in. They told me I needed to make sure she was in their church for 75%of the time because she was corrupting the way the other children were thinking. I laughed at this but then I thought you know that is why I will not send her to the public school in Fort Wayne.
Anyway I love it. I loved it last year and we really had no plan. I bought workbooks and gave Toni the assignments and went on with my day it worked for us. I did not like it though. So I set out on a curriculum hunt. We have a lot of homeschool families in our church so I started asking around. No one does the same thing. My daughter's friend is homeschooled too so I asked them what they did. My Father's World.

I am telling you I love it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Not only is the day laid out for you. I am learning as much as Antonia. We are in Germany right now and I am so thankful for the nice weather because yesterday we went on a hike through a "forest". We got lots of shadow pictures thanks to the idea from my flellow blogger the casual perfectionist. Our house looks like a mini school room and we love traveling from country to country. Homeschooling is great I wish every one could have the chance.

Kids you have to love them!!!! I have always told my daughter Toni that she can always ask me anything and often tiems I find lists of questions waiting me in the hall or on my pillow when I come home from tucking in my friend's (babysitting) kids. I thought I would share the questions she had waiting for me when I got home last night.

1. Toni's question: Why is it hard to parent teenagers?
Background: I always tell Toni we are going to get the respect down and the ground rules will be understood before she is a teenager.
Answer: It is not harder to parent teenagers. A teenager's parent just has more concerns because teenagers get to practice what we have been teaching you all your younger years. We have to hope we taught you right. As a young adult you have more freedom to make the decisions with out Mom or Dad standing right there. And guess what with every choice you have an outcome. Either a consequence or a reward? Teenager's get to drive and you hope they will follow all teh laws and wear their seatbelt and not drive recklessly. It is just a different concern when you have teenagers because you have to trust them to be truthful and remember what youo have taught them.

2. Toni's question: What is the future earth? We are still trying to figure that one out!!!!!

3. Toni's question: What is equal pay? I am not sure if she is talking about equal pay for women? Men? I told her that it would be nice if everyone made the same money across the board. Then I did something I have never done to her before I asked her a question to answer her question. Do you think it is right for Animal Care and Control to get paid the same as A teacher and her answer: No because animals can be unpredictable they can not understand what you say(Thank you Kelly, my eight year old is a tape recorder) and kids well for the most part can be good.

4. Why is it such hard work being a mother? A loaded question!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I love my job but as I sit and think. It is a hard job every single decision I make affects not just me but you. It is also the most rewarding job! I love being a mother and would not give it up for the world!!!!!!!!!!


Now to answer the question she asked me before she went to bed tonight. Mommy if I wake up in the morning and Barack Obahama won do you think we will still be able to go to church???? I said yes why and she said I think he is going to close all the churches. I do not know where she heard that but Honey do not worry our GOD prevails. So my question to her is what will happen if that takes place and she says she will not stop praising Jesus because she loves him. Toni I bet Jesus is jumping for joy tonight to hear you say that.

Keep asking those questions baby girl and I love you.

Finally!!!!!!

I can not think of a different title today. I decided I would join the bloggers for nablopo. It is a committment to blog for 30 days straight. What was I thinking!!! I guess I was up for a challenge. I have sat down three times today the 3rd of November in the year of 2008 and can not think about what to write about. I have alot to say and alot on my mind but do other people want to hear that stuff. So I set out to find a story or a blog and still nothing came to mind UNTIL my daughter who is 8 said now I know what you feel like.

Now I am not shy in sharing my thoughts with her and that was a loaded statement. So instead of asking her right away what she meant by that I sat and thought about what occured in the last 5 minutes so I could better understand what she might be talking about. We had just come in from picking her up from Brownies. I went to the bathroom and hollered for her to unload the dishwasher, eat her bed night snack and get ready for bed. How could that have honored such a response like, "at least now I know what you feel like". I am the boss of the house so no one barks orders at me. I do not get to go to fun places like Brownies, swimming or visits with my dad so what was she talking about. Okay so I can not think like my eight year old, so I ask her what she means and she says, " at least I know what it feels like to walk in the house and have to start working before you even get your coat hung up." I about laughed myself right off the chair. For months, I have been telling her and the babysitting kids to not bombard me with questions as soon as we walk in the door at least let us get our coats hung up. Woo Hoo someone finally GOT it.

I love my church

I absolutely love Sundays. It is the best day of the week for me. Even though if you saw me on a Sunday morning you would wonder why I can cry at the drop of a hat. God is so evident in the group of volunteers that I get to work with on Sunday mornings. I go to a very large church and have been going there for five years.

I have to be honest with you when I first started going there I wanted to hide. A friend gave me a tape and told me if I was not captivated by the teaching Pastor, if I did not fall in love with his teaching then the church was not for me. I did fall in love with his teachings. Every Sunday I hear him preach my heart leaps in my chest. When you hear him speak you hear his heart. HE is true and kind. Thank you Pastor Dave. The other thing is when you hear him speak GOD calls you right out of your seat into a ministry of some sort. Another reason for my going To this church was there children's program, my then tree year old daughter loved to go to church but the church we were going to did not have a program.

One Sunday I felt like I needed to sign up to be part of the children's ministry and well my love for volunteers was born. I am a room leader for 60 plus kids and have a 10 volunteers. Did I tell you how much I love them? They are Awesome. The love in their eyes is unreal. They love the kids and Jesus. This is something they are called too. Thank you for the oppurtunity to serve with you. Thank you Church. I can not wait till I get to be with you again.

In Rememberance

As I woke up this morning I had a dread in my heart, I just wanted to crawl back in bed and stay there for a while. But I could not today, I get to see my great nephews. The dread in my heart comes from November 1st 2005, I lost a very important person in my life, my nephew. He was an awesome young man. Yes he had his problems but don't we all. He was so smart and funny. He had a serious side but you did not get to see it often. The dread in my heart comes from him not being here, him not getting to see his sons. They are awesome little boys. They love to laugh and are so smart. They have a serious side and today I got to see it. I ask myself a peculiar question, do they know? Does the now five year old remember what today three years ago looked like? He was quiet today, maybe he felt deep sorrow down inside of him today and he was not sure why. Maybe he was sick. Maybe he was tired or maybe we just know deep down in our hearts that the one we love and miss left us on this day.

I got to spend time with his sons today!!!!! We went to his grave today! My daughter decided it would be good to put something on his grave in remembrance. For the boys she added two suckers. The kind Jeremy and the big boy used to love to eat together. The baby was only 21 days old when his dad left this earth. In rememberance of my daughter and Jeremy's time together we put pennies. They sat for hours stripping wires to get out the copper.

I watched my great nephews running around today and I have cried knowing their dad would be so proud of them.

Breaking heart

Two years ago my two handsome nephews were taken out of their house by child protection service. I found out five days after they were taken and I flew to Kokomo. By flying I mean I dropped everything and drove as fast as I could. For all I knew they had been taken the day before. I got to the welfare department and they gave me a folder full of papers. She explained to me that I needed to fill out an application and have this paper signed by their mother. I gave the lady all the important info about the boys and what they loved to do. How to put them to sleep at night and how smart Dylan was. I did not know if they had gotten this info. A little note when you get my daughter you know how she likes to sleep and everything ( a detailed list). I wanted them to have this too. Anyway this lady, (Teresa) told me all I had to do was get the boy's Mom's signature. I looked her up got her to sign the paper and faxed it back in. I called the next day to make sure it had gotten there and was told that it had. They took my name and number every month for the last year. I was given tidbits of information and still every one is claiming they never heard of me.
In June of this year their mom contacted a relative. Please take the boys. They contacted me because they did not know what to do. I wanted the boys two years ago and would do anything to get them now. Problem they have been in the foster parent's home for 15 months. We met with the boy's mom and welfare. We were told to go file for guardianship and welfare would pull out. WRONG! Do not believe anything that welfare tells you. I have done everything that they have asked and they are not budging. The boy's caseworker called me and told me that Allen County would be here with in the week to do my home study. I worked my butt off and a few friends did too to get the house ready for the boys. The room is ready the closet is full of clothes.
My heart is breaking. I think mostly because I did not see them for 15 months I was getting accustomed to only praying for them and hoping they were in good hands. I was allowed to visit and did so two days a week since July. Yesterday they called and told me that I only have one visit with the boys a month. One visit a month! They said it would be more consistent. My heart is breaking. I know that GOD has a plan and I know that HE is in control. I know that the boy's are being taken care of. I am so thankful to them. But I can not stop thinking about not seeing their smiling faces on the holidays. I can not stop thinking about seeing them all dressed up in their costumes for halloween and hearing them sing songs about Jesus.

My heart hurts. My head is throbbing and the lump in my throat will not go away.

Beautiful Gift

I have been reflecting on the last nine years of my life alot lately. I think I have been reflecting alot because of the issues of the Election or maybe because my brother called to tell me he was writing a book to talk about my daughter and her allergies. My daughter is the love of my life. I love her so much sometimes I wonder what my life was like before her. I can not imagine nor do I want to entertain the ideas of life with out her. She has truly been the greatest blessing in my life. I tell you all this because of the circumstances in which she came about and hope that it encourages others with a similar story.

I have been a christian since I was 13 years old. I know what the Bible says about sex before marriage and outside of marriage. I swore and promised that I would save myself for my husband. When I started dating a man who thought he could just take what ever he wanted I told him he had to marry me. I told myself everyday that I loved him and was determined to make it work. Then he became abusive so after only 3 months of being married I moved out and for one year I tried to talk myself into a divorce. IN this year I found out I was pregnant. I was ecstatic and nervous. I would be tied to him forever now. How could I raise a baby with this man? I did not have to worry about it. 4 and a half months into my pregnancy I miscarried twins. I was devastated. But knew the verses about GOD having a plan for our lives and although I did not know that plan I found PEACE that only HE can give. I was told I had a 1 in 99 chance I would be able to have kids. I divorced him and tried to get back to the basics of my Christian faith.
In doing so I met a wonderful christian man, He did not grow up with the Bible but had found GOD in a rehabilitation center. He claimed to be a christain and who am I to judge. We started dating. I fell in love. I talked myself into compromising my morals because God would not have given me this great man to only take him away from me. He talked me into moving in with him to take the distance out of our relationship. I loved this man and his children. We went to church together and did couples devotions. A note here doing all these things while you are sinning(purposefully and knowingly) does not make your heart right with GOD actually your heart becomes more heavy because your eyes are SO open. I found out I was pregnant and I was so ecstatic. I did everything I was supposed to. We had our beautiful baby girl in July. I lived in the motions of being a family but knew there was one thing I was missing out on and that was my relationship with my most favorite guy(GOD, My heavenly Father). I asked him to marry me so that we could get our hearts right with GOD. HE (GOD) blessed us inspite of our sin. HE (GOD) loved me enough to give me the desires of my heart. HE (GOD ) Loved me enough to give me a miracle inspite of my sin. I had come to terms with not having my own child to hold and love from inside the womb till death. HE (GOD) gave me the bestest gift ever besides my salvation. HE loved me. The man of my dreams said he was not the marrying type. We split up, I was thinking we go our seperate ways and at the end of one year we will be married adn serving GOD together. That did not happen. I am a single mom, loving it and awaiting for the one GOD does have for me.
I write this because I have been hearing alot lately about people telling thier kids they were a mistake, a punishment and I want to be heard on this fact. A CHILD is not a punishment or a mistake it is a gift from GOD. Yes, HE does discipline us. Yes we may have a child out of wedlock, no matter what the circumstances and YES, we do have to pay the consequences. For me I think the consequence of down right disobeying GOD is the fact that I get to be a single mom and all those things that come with it. Not having a partner who can help out with the late night sicknesses, or maybe it is having to be mom and dad when the instant causes for a split second decision. I do not know but I do know that My beautiful daughter is not the consequence or the punishment. She is the most beautiful gift. SHe is honest and pure and you know what else she loves the LORD her GOD with all her heart. She inspires me to be a woman of GOD. She loves others unconditionally. I hope this gives all of you who are struggling with having a child out of wedlock or not at the "right time" a since of hope or maybe relief. YOU WERE BLESSED WITH THE GREATEST GIFT ON EARTH inspite of yourself. LOVE them, hold them, struggle through life with them but feel blessed. GOD chose you to raise them and love them. Inspite of your sin you were blessed. HE LOVES YOU !!!!!!

Listening to the deep freeze

Tonight has been an interesting night of learning for me. I asked my 5 year old buddy if he had any popsicles (we were at his house). A little background, my 8 year old daughter and him are gonna get married someday that is if you ask them. They have it all figured out but anyway back to the Popsicle in the freezer. My Daughter Bonesi, if you will, has been fighting a cold all day and J wanted to take care of her. He asked her what she wanted for bed night snack. She said something cold. She really wanted yogurt but J informed her that if she was sick it could give her diarrhea. I said well I do not know about that because she just has a cold but it could make her more congested he said oh yah that too. I am not sure if he knows the difference between congestion and constipation but the answer made him feel better the same. So Bonesi asked J, " Do you have any Popsicles." J said, "Let me check." I stood back to observe since he can not get the door on the deep freeze opened and can not reach the freezer on top of the fridge I wondered how he was going to check with out my help. Much to my surprise, he knows freezer talk. He put his ear up to the deep freeze and said, "Yes, we have some." I do not know how he did it but there were two boxes in the freezer. When asked if he remembered his mommy buying some he simply stated: " No, you can not hear them in there." I have been listening (after he went to bed of course) but still can not hear the box of Popsicles talking. Oh to be five again.

why John Mccain and Gov. Sarah Palin should be elected via 8yrs old and a 5 year old

I am fortunate to be a stay at home mom. I get to homeschool my daughter. I have the oppurtunity to watch friend's children and feel honored that they trust me with the most important people in their lives. I am so excited to sit back and watch as they learn new things. I sit and listen to them and learn. Learning that John McCain was going to win the election because he cares about Joe the Plumber and that Sarah Palin homeschools her kids like Starr. Maybe everyone wil get to stay home and get schooled. I think they all like that idea because then everyone's parents will not work. Smart little boogers.

I have been hooked

For the last few months I have spent restless nights reading blogs. Yesterday as I was reading my most favorite blog Happy go mommy by Amy Saleik, my daughter asked me why I don't blog. I simply stated what would I write about. My wise Daughter said oh mom you have a lot to say. I chased her around the house and when I finally caught her tickled her till she had to go to the bathroom. Late last night while she was away at a brownie sleep over (her first with people I have not thouroughly checked out) therefor the sleepless night. I decided that maybe she was right so I am looking for fun interesting things to share. So I am hooked on reading and being inspired by other people's blogs maybe I can inspire a few too.